1. Dear Lyn,
I am 9 and my parents have been separated for about a year and have just decided to get a divorce and I feel very worried. I don't know who to live with, I love them both the same and don't want to have to choose. Why should I have to?
Dear age 9,
You must have gone through a lot of changes in the last year with your parents separating. And now you have to think about the changes of their divorce. It does seem a bit unfair if you feel you have to make a choice. It sounds like you really love your parents the same and it is hard to choose. Well the good news is that you are not the only person going through this. Some kids find it easier to spend equal time with their mum and their dad. And the good news is that they get to know them really well and do some really cool stuff together. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can have one week at Mum's and one week at Dad's or you can swap around the weekends and stay in one place during the week when you go to school.
Some kids find that they feel they are letting one parent down when they stay with the other. This is unfair, and parents don't want you to feel like that. You have a right to be with either of your parents and to love them the same. If you feel that you have these feelings, talk about it to them and let them know you don't want to be caught in the middle. Remember this is new to them as well as you and you are all learning things together. Keep talking to both of them and keep them aware that it is important for you to spend time with both of them.
You sound like you are a really great kid and they should be proud of you for being able to write some of you concerns to me. Keep it up, and good luck with the changes you have ahead of you. Remember change is sometimes exciting.
Lyn
2. Dear Lyn,
I have been fighting with my best friend a little lately and it makes me feel really sad. She seems to snap at everything I say instead of ages ago when we use to laugh all the time.
Dear true friend,
Fights are awful and they can leave you feeling really rejected and left out. Especially when you were so close and you told each other all your secrets. You can feel let down. However, if she is snapping at everything you say it might be good to ask her what is happening. You never know, it may have nothing to do with you and she could be going through something hard at home or with other friends. Be careful of jumping to the conclusion that it is about you. True friends are able to talk about things together even if they are unpleasant. She may need a true friend to let her know that you are worried about her.
Good luck with her.
Lyn
3. Dear Lyn,
The other day we went shopping with mum and she bought my big sister some bras and said I could not have any yet because I don't need them, but they are so beautiful and grown up. I want to be grown up like my sister.
Hey beautiful lady,
You have begun to notice beautiful things. It means you are beginning to see how wonderful it is to be a woman. This means you are growing up like your sister already. You will have a bra one day, and you will be able to get a really beautiful one and if you think about it, you can plan how wonderful you will look. Treasure your woman-hood and don't hurry it but enjoy the process of emerging from your cocoon like a butterfly. Butterflies have to look first before they come out of the chrysalis, and that is just what you are doing. Good luck as you emerge, the world will be a better place for having you there.
Cheers
Lyn
4. Dear Lyn,
My sister is about 5 years older than me and so I have been like her little living doll, or that is what she use to call me. I am sad though cause now she is old enough to go out with her friends to parties and has just got her first boyfriend and she does not play with me anymore or tell me about her life. When I try to hang out with her she always yells at me to go away and stop be annoying. I feel like I have lost my favourite person.
Dear little sister,
This is really hard for you because any time you want your sister to notice how upset you are, she is busy doing other things. It must feel that she isn't interested in you. She is preoccupied with her life and not with yours anymore. This is a time for you to just quietly watch and wait. Be careful though, of depending on her to make you feel good, because she can't do that. Only you can do that. You too are growing up and you now have time away from her to build your friends and your life. If you are busy doing your things, she will be interested in you eventually. She will wonder what she missed. This is a phase of your lives, which you do not share. But you will share other times, and she will appreciate you even more if you don't depend on her. So my advice for you is to go out with your friends, invite them for sleep-overs, and video/pizza nights. Get involved in the extra things at school, like sport or debating or the social stuff. Do what ever interests you and keep occupied so that you are not pining over your sister. Before long you will find this phase passes and she wants to spend time with you, and she will find you to be a really interesting person. Good luck!
Cheers
Lyn
5. Hi Lyn,
I am 12 and have just started to get boobs and my mum and auntie tease me and call them mossy bits. This makes me sooo embarrassed, I don't think it is funny. I hate what is happening to me, it's weird. Sometimes my boobs even sting a lot like sunburn or something.
Dear 12,
Congratulations on growing boobs!!! Some kids take ages for them to grow, so you are well on your way. It is a bit painful at first and sometimes when someone knocks them they can hurt for ages. They also can get itchy and it looks funny to scratch them. All this is really normal. Don't worry. Your mum and your auntie are laughing because they remember what it was like for them (though 'mossy bits' sounds a bit mean). Anyway, welcome to the world of womanhood. It is ok. They will calm down and you can get a really cool bra, which suits your personality and style. So if you are sporty, you can get a sporty look. If you are girlie you can get a frilly lace one. If you are a tom-boy you can get a crop top which gives you support and doesn't stop you from being active. What ever you like, you can find a style to suit you. It is fun to measure the size as you grow. Use your hands as a cup and notice the differences.
Good luck,
Lyn
6. Dear Lyn,
I am 8 and I hate going to sleep with the door shut, my brothers tease me and say I am a baby. What will make me not scared to shut the door when I am going to sleep?
Dear scared,
It is really dark when you close the door and sometimes it takes ages for your eyes to grow accustomed to the dark. So I understand why you are a bit scared. It sounds like you don't like it when you can't see things really well. If you really think it is important to have the door shut while you sleep (although I think that 10 years old could be a better time to start), then I suggest that you start slowly. Start by closing the door a little at a time until you get used to the darker room. Gradually over a couple of weeks, get to having the door open just a sliver. Leave the hall light on so that the light comes around the door and that will give you enough light to get used to. Now if you are still scared, it is good to think about a time when you are really brave and remember what you are like then. That way if you need to, you can pretend that you are not frightened for about 5 minutes until your eyes get used to the dark.
Good luck, and sleep tight.
Lyn
7. Lyn,
My auntie and cousins got hurt in the Bali bombing and my uncle even died. I have horrible nightmares thinking that it will happen in Australia, and sometimes feel a bit annoyed cause now my cousins get heaps of attentions. I feel bad for thinking like this, does that make me a bad person?
Dear cousin,
This does not make you a bad person, just a normal person. It is a really sad thing that happened and so many people died or are missing their loved ones. Your cousins went through a terrible thing and people don't know how to cope with it so they pay them more attention. They forget that there are others suffering like yourself.
You too are grieving because it has changed your family and in some ways you are feeling neglected. Look for someone to give you a hug, like mum or dad. And perhaps your auntie. She will like that from you. That way she can feel that you are going through this with her.
If you are frightened, talk to your mum or dad and let them know. This is natural to feel frightened. Remember times when you are not frightened and think about how you are able to do things differently. This way you are able to see what you are really like. The more you remember the times when you are not frightened, the stronger you will feel.
Perhaps write a diary of times you did not get frightened and notice how these times increase.
Good luck.
Cheers
Lyn
